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How to stop Spending Time you don’t have, doing things you don’t want to do with people you don’t like

How much of your life do you spend pleasing people? Turns out, a lot!  Somebody is always asking you to follow him/ her to a grocery store when you absolutely have no business there, Tell ‘em NO. Somebody is always borrowing money from you without paying, Tell ‘em NO! Somebody is asking you to have sex with him or her when you don’t want, Tell ‘em No, goddamit!
Listen to me, you can say No as many time as you wish to as many people you like.

How much of your life do you spend pleasing people? Turns out, a lot! Reading a review of Sarah Knight’s The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fek, a parody of Marie Kondo’s best seller, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up exposed my eyes to some important things clearly.

No 1 Rule: Don’t give a Fek!

Most times you worry too much about what others say about what you do, what you wear, how you look or where you go. How long can you continue to do that? As long as it makes you happy, safe for you and it’s harmless to anyone around you, there is no reason why you should hold back on things that make you happy. Ask yourself who gives a Fek the next time you want to step out in your ragged Jean or cropped up tops, just be sure you fit whatever the occasion is. You don’t want to be sacked by a boss just because you appear in a short jean shirt dress on a Monday morning, lol.

Live your own LIFE

A lot of people are living for other people; they are not living for themselves. It is suicidal and limiting to want to relate to every expectation from people on you. They can have their expectations no doubt, it is your right to meet them or not and whether or not you do, those people are entitled to their own opinion.

Many times, you go to places you don’t want to go and do things you don’t want to do in order to please others; even it may be to your emotional or financial detriment.  Sometimes you even apologise, like most of us, when you haven’t done anything wrong so that people don’t come off too strongly worded at you. Knight’s bottom-line advice is clear, even though her book is a parody; Stop giving a fek! (Note that we are going to use the word fek entirely in this article to avoid being vulgar but I need you to pronounce it as / fʌk/, thank you).

If You can’t Beat them, Don’t Join Them.

In 1998, a year before the end of my senior high I had a particular friend who started smoking Cigarette. And I couldn’t just stand it because I hate cigarettes, one of my uncles died of lung cancer caused by cigarette smoking. I already knew secondary smokes are the most dangerous and as well I detest the smell. At that time probably cigarettes are not as well refined as they are now with all these added menthol.

In our climes, Smoking is a sign that you have joined a gang here. O ti n k’egbe– you have joined a bad gang.

So every time my friend tried to smoke in the dormitory, I tried to discourage him. I will rain abuses on him, cuss out some abuse and even sometimes I went to where he kept the Cigarette packs and I would shred the lot. And then we will fight about it most of the time.

It was obvious he wanted to continue to smoke and I never intended to smoke at all. It takes two to tango; can two walk together if they be heading at different directions?

So, I ignored him. We became friends at an arm’s length. In your own case it may require you to flee depending on the character or severe totally your friendship with anyone whose actions may be injurious to you now or in future.

“It’s your life and it is not by force to be friends with anyone.”

Ignore People you don’t like or who don’t like you

Well I must say that there is absolutely nothing wrong if you don’t like some people because of what they do. Not liking someone doesn’t imply that you hate them. This is not word and opposite so you should not begin to think it is square, like and hate; it is not. I may not like you but that does not mean I hate you. Don’t go religious on me now; I am not here to do those scriptural justifications.

To live your life and be happy, ignore those who you don’t like or those who don’t like you. It’s absolutely natural, you like some people for no reason and some others you just don’t feel them. Now if your dislike for them happens to stem from the character of such people then you have more reason why you need to ignore.

The thing is if you have tried to beat them and they are not beatable, it is time to leave them.

Act like you don’t Care.

Yea so what? You don’t have to put the care of the whole world on your head. Sometimes when people’s behaviour or dispositions appear to want to overwhelm you, just act like you don’t care. A lot of times peeps wanna come to you and they are like- “hey, I am here again, save me like you normally do”- they don’t say it but they kind of act it. And because you are that caring dude who doesn’t want anyone to suffer, you start running helter-skelter to save the world. Yea, there is nothing wrong in helping out, don’t get me wrong. Someone said you get to where you want to reach by helping as many people get to where they want to reach too. But seriously it is only when you are headed up on the same horizontal ladder with others that you can help them up the rungs. A whole lot of these people coming to you with their issues are just distractions that can wane you; some of them can figure out how to help themselves if you allow them to.

Learn to Say NO!

Somebody is always asking you to follow him/ her to a grocery store when you absolutely have no business there, Tell ‘em NO. Somebody is always borrowing money from you without paying, Tell ‘em NO! Somebody is asking you to have sex with him or her when you don’t want, Tell ‘em No, goddamit! Your in-laws invited you to a thanksgiving and it’s the same day you will like to prepare for your thesis defence the next morning, tell ‘em NO! You have to learn how to say NO and start applying the not give a total fek rule.

Listen to me, you can say No as many time as you wish to as many people you like.

“If it’s gonna make you do what you don’t wanna do then you gotta say NO!”

Embrace the Not-Sorry Method

In your assessment of any situation, you should ask yourself: Does it annoy? If the answer is yes, you stop giving a Fek about it “pronto.”

Sometimes you feel like there is an obligation or sacrifice that you have to make in order to safe a situation or satisfy the family needs; there are wives who try to balance children’s upkeep, dinner and assignment at the same time when the husband watches the TV. It’s crazy and you may need to stop giving an F about these obligations by maybe picking up healthy and economical takeaway Jollof rice for the family instead of making dinner when you are already exhausted from work.

Giving fewer Feks has great benefits.

Like I said earlier, you need to embrace the power of Saying No. By saying No to RSVPing a naming ceremony when you really don’t have the time, unfriending annoying people on Facebook, putting on makeup just to go to the grocery shops save you a lot of time and money to enjoy things you really loved like spending times with your kids and also saves you from any negative energy from having to think about responses to give for what you don’t want to do.

Draft a No Fek List

In this part of the world, whether or not you attend people’s wedding or naming ceremony can lead to a lot of acrimony. You are worried how you will not attend these occasions without hurting someone’s feeling. This is what you need to do. Nail down the limited group of friends, family members, and co-workers (and which of their showers, weddings, and coronations or what have you) you value the most and whom you will enthusiastically support. They are the ones that got your No Fek’s list. But those who are not on the list are not guaranteed your time, effort, or funds.

You have to be honest and polite, but not too honest nor too polite.

Tell the reason why you cannot attend a function in the shortest way you can.  Being too honest is trying to justify why you are not attending with vain and long excuses. The honest and polite route would be to send a gift and a kind decline that “I’m honored to be invited but unfortunately can’t make it.” Telling them it’s because your granddad’s uncle and nephew’s birthday coincide with the date is trying to be too honest, they’d already know you are giving excuses. Don’t provide too many details; don’t suggest you have anything to apologize for.


Saying that you give a zero fek or no fek at all about work, about people, about family and friends would be a lie, only sociopaths and “assholes” can get away with absolute no Fek!

Prioritizing the Feks you have to give is what is key—and giving them to those who matter most. This includes you. “Not giving a Fek means taking care of yourself first, like getting out of your burning apartment before calling people to help rescue your neighbor or like fixing your own oxygen mask before fixing others,”

If that sounds selfish, well . . .You should know I don’t give a Fek.

Also read The Fibber’s Plight and the Truths of a Pathological Liar 

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